The Ripple Effect

"Mourn not just for the loss of what was but also for what will never be." - Karen Katafiasz

How can anyone made such a irresponsible remark to a kid? How can an intellectual human being comment to a child that her mother has forgotten about her dad who has passed on years ago. To tell the child that her mother has forgotten about her dead husband as she is rebuilding her network of friends and getting her life back and leaving the child for a few hours in the care of the grandfather.

I want to tell the person who made this irresponsible remark that losing someone close especially through death is not a one-fell swoop blow. After the numbness wears off, after the shockwave of sadness knocks us to our knees, we come to another sobering realization. The hits just keep on coming- loss after loss after loss...

When someone close dies, it triggers a chain reaction. Not only is that person gone, but our shared dreams and goals are gone as well. The plans we had- never to happen. The hopes and possibilities gone. The future we envisioned- not to be.

Last Day of K2

Today marks the last day of my little girl preschool. She was feeling sad and kept saying that she misses her school and friends even before we leave the school premises. I looked at her and marvel at the years that went by. 4 years of preschool education in one of Singapore Premier kindergarten has ended. To me, I am elated because I do not have to pay the $900 plus per month fees and also the daily twice a day driving through the two Erp gantry along CTE!

Thanks to Facebook and IT savvy mummies who initialed keeping in touch for the sake of maintaining the innocent friendship made, I believe little one has already made some forever friends at 6!

My little one, as you embarked on your lifelong learning journey, here's a quote that mummy love from Patrick Overton :

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

The Green Monster and the Angel

All my life I see the goodness in people. God created us in His image. We cannot be evil by nature. We are all good but somehow,along the way, with greed,envy,jealousy,covet,we are influenced and some will turned into empty humans with an an evil soul.

I have experienced such a person. It scare me to know that there exist such a person within us. Someone who seem to have everything, a career envied by peers, a cupboard full of brands bags and watches, a fancy car and a person who calls the most influential and wealthiest in Singapore "friends". But we never know that this person is actually harboring evil intentions on people around her for her own pain and hurt.

I was and am a victim of a deliberate vicious act that cause me much grief and pain by such a person and sadly, I am unable to do anything about it except to pray.

Envy destroys the human heart and soul, and most who suffer from it are unaware of the destructive misery it creates not only for themselves, but also for others. in the end, envy will lead to loneliness as other people can never share their joy, successes or happiness with an envious person. In addition, an envious person uses up so much of their mental ability to formulate action plans to destroy others' happiness.

I pray that this person who used to be my closest kin will wake up from her comatose stage of making others' life miserable for her own gratification of to satisfy the empty void in her life of betrayal and deceit.

Graduation Day for Little One

Can't believe my little girl will be graduating  from K2 in a few hours! Seems like not so long ago that I was accompanying her in her tots playgroup. Hit by a monstrous wave of melancholy as I get ready to attend her Graduation Concert which will be held in ACJC later this evening.

I know she will make me a proud mummy again by her role as the English speaking MC and was also informed by the teachers that she has a role in teaching them the flash mob dance steps!

Little one, I am always proud of you. May you shine always.

Emptiness

Dear God, No one told me I could hurt this much. I now know my life can never be the same again. Can it still be okay? You promised it would be when you said, " I have come that you may have life. And have it to the full." I am not feeling very full right now. I am feeling very empty. Show me the way to go from here. I don't even want a " full" life right now. I just want a life.

Primary One Orientation Day

As I sit and listen to the principal literated the school mission and motto. Simple in virtue.steafast in duty. To develop girls into woman. Of grace, compassion,humility,integrity and perservance. I know 2012 will be a fabulous year for me. Little one is embarking on her formal education and she will be making new friends and each day will be new learning experiences for her. For me, it will be a great year because it will be a year of self development. I am going to embark on my own journey of exploring new things and learning new skills. I look forward to bringing my little girl to different places around the world.

Everyday, is a new day for us.

Time healed and Life Goes On

I have loss a loved one through death and only recently, experience the breakdown of a relationship. Time as we are always told, is a great healer. Speaking from personal experiences, I can guarantee that one must have faith that the initial pain, the heartache of missing and thinking of the loss love, the endless lonely night of crying and wondering what is the other person doing and the living of going through the daily routine. The emptiness one feel recalling the memories of Two uniting as One. The weakness of one soul when living is so hard that all we want to do is just sleep it through.

We all have to know that one day, the tears will stop, the pain will hurt less and life does have to move on.

For my first loss, there was no time for me to wallow in my misery as my baby was just 2 weeks old. It took much positive effort and determination to stop thinking about something that I can no longer do anything about and to turn my thoughts to the future being a single parent. With a determined effort, I tried to make  people around me happy and, in turn, the pain did become a little easier to bear.

How much time do I need to heal  this time? Another 6 years?